


Rest

by talonyth



Category: Karneval
Genre: I don't know what else to tag this as, M/M, dumb drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 11:45:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2771798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talonyth/pseuds/talonyth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akari needs to be reminded of taking a break - but so does Hirato.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenNeehola](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenNeehola/gifts).



> happy birthday neenee! you are my queen, my soulfriend, my everything! i hope you enjoy today and i'm sorry this isn't anything better. it's been 5ever since i last wrote for karneval and hirakari and i feel like i'm missing the point entirely but there you go, i hope you still enjoy it!

Hidden away in the back of his drawer is a letter Akari once got when he was younger. In these days letters of the like, they end up in his bin. Not because he is cold at heart but because he doesn’t need the fake affection of those around him. He feels like those words are lies - except those on a small piece of paper stuck behind books in the drawer of his desk. 

He doesn’t know why it is back there, Akari has no intention to hide it from anyone. Maybe from himself. He doesn’t even properly remember what is written on it anymore but he does recall thinking that those words were genuine, written in fine and neat letters with black ink, handwriting sharp and small with no unnecessary curls or twirls. 

It is odd how the picture of the writing itself is in his mind but not the words. 

For whatever reason, whenever he means to take out the books, the files and papers out of the drawer to reach it, something happens. An emergency in the Research Tower, wounded units, sometimes a simple examination he forgets about. Stress adds to numerous missions he is sent on as well. He barely spend a day in his office anymore - and like this, he forgets about it. A letter at the back of his drawer, words tidily written, wisely chosen, forgotten nonetheless. 

Months later - Akari doesn’t how nor when he supposedly invited anyone over as they said - Tsukitachi and Hirato sit in his office, Tsukitachi sprawled on the couch while Hirato seems to sit rather comfortably in his armchair, trying to adjust his position and opting for crossing his leg, his back straight. As always. Neat and tidy. 

“You honestly need to loosen up a bit, Akari-chan. Like, honestly. You’ve had so much work lately and even we try to get our minds off what has happened. You can’t possibly want to work,” Tsukitachi hums as he gets up from his horizontal position. His tie is crooked, his short red hair is as messy as it can get; he obviously wants and does slack off, now that things have settled down. 

He deserves it. Everyone does. Yet Akari feels like out of everyone, he certainly hasn’t earned the right to take a break yet. Too many have died on missions. He could have saved them if he had been there earlier. Could have prevented injuries from happening. Could have---

“Are you being too hard on yourself again, _Doctor_?” Hirato’s voice rolls too smoothly over his lips for Akari not to worry. As ever, Hirato has him figured out as if he is the easiest book to read, one for children who learn to decipher letters, who learn to string sentences and make sense of them. It’s a disgusting feeling. 

“You might be off now since there is no field work to conduct any longer but there are still plenty of injuries to be treated. Plenty paperwork to be done. This is not going to be resolved by dawdling and twiddling my thumbs as you might be able to see,” Akari says, fingers curling around his pen tighter. His eyes are cast down, supposedly checking the files of the patients he has been given. This is still the first file of the batch he got in the morning. It is afternoon and all he knows is that the pen the nurse has written the files with did not seem to be working well, lines untidy and messy, ink black but spotty. 

“A break wouldn’t do you bad, though! Akari-chan, there’s no point in overworking yourself! There is no one who could replace you if you were to faint or get sick, you know!”

“Yes, I know that. This is why I am working right now. Since there is no one else who could do this, I do not have the choice to take a break now. You said it yourself.”

Silence. Tsukitachi wrinkles his nose, eyebrows furrowed like a reprimanded child. “That’s why I’m saying; you really need to loosen up. Hirato, come on, help me out a bit or do you want him to overwork himself?”

Hirato doesn’t reply right away. Rather, his eyes seem to be focused on Akari, smirk on his face as present as ever like a mask drawn to stay on its place at all times. It sends a shiver down Akari’s spine as he meets Hirato’s eyes, choosing to turn his head to face Tsukitachi instead. The feeling of being figured out, laid out bare and naked, he didn’t need Hirato to know about his worries. This all didn’t concern him so why? 

“Certainly not. Though I can see why your idea of a break and his don’t overlap, Tsukitachi,” he eventually says, Akari still not facing him. Tsukitachi raises one eyebrow in confusion and stands up. 

“I was just giving an idea, we don’t have to go out drinking!”

“We will end up drinking, Tsukitachi.”

“Not necessarily, we’ve had times going out together that didn’t end with us drinking!”

“That was when you were minors,” Akari notes with a sigh, his fingers running through his hair, eyes closed but he can feel Hirato’s eyes on him. Has he looked away for a single second ever since he entered the room? “Tell me a single instance we have not gone drinking eventually.”

Tsukitachi sits back down and opens his mouth but closes it right back again, like a fish underwater. “That’s! Details! I just want you to take things a bit easier, you are going to go insane one day, Akari-chan, and that will be nasty. It’s nothing compared to a bit of a hangover.”

“Last time I had ‘a bit of a hangover’, I opened my eyes and cringed at the sunlight. ...It was evening and dark in my room. I hope you understand I cannot possibly do this sort of thing right now. Nor in the nearest future. Or farthest future. In fact, I never want to experience that sort of thing again.” 

“I think I understand the sentiment. That was the first and last time I slept through the entire day. I had Yogi crying and Tsukumo already choosing a fitting coffin for me, Gareki took my measurements and I am not sure if they thought of it as a joke or if they planned on burying me alive because I simply didn’t move anymore. I’m not certain what they mixed into their drinks in that bar we went but I am rather sure I’d prefer not going there in this life again. Neither in the next.” Hirato’s smirk disappears from his face - the first time this day Akari notices - and is replaced by wrinkles around his forehead and a thin line formed by his lips. He obviously doesn’t have any good memories of that evening, and neither does Akari. 

As Hirato notices Akari looking at him, his smile returns but suddenly it seems a lot less smug, a lot less mocking and a lot less relaxed. He looks tired, exhausted as if he hasn’t slept nights entire. He is about to ask Hirato yet this time it is him turning away to face Tsukitachi whose phone is ringing. He speaks but Akari doesn’t listen, his mind is elsewhere. 

Not for a second Hirato ever shows a sign of weakness. Not a second of break in dire times. Not a single time his smile is gone when everyone else seems to despair. 

It dawns on Akari why Tsukitachi is so worried about him, why he wants to bring him to rest and take a break so badly. He wants Hirato to do the same just as much. Rest. Sleep, maybe. Have a good meal and read a book. Listen to some music. Perhaps even doing nothing at all. Has Hirato ever done such a thing? Nothing? 

“Akari-chan, did you hear!?”

He jolts when he hears Tsukitachi’s voice from closer than expected. Both him and Hirato are standing, Tsukitachi right in front of his desk waving his hand. Akari rubs his eyes and shakes his head. He needs to focus. 

“No, I apologize. What is the matter?”

“Hirato and I have been called back to our ships, there seems to be a new mission waiting for us,” he most likely repeats and Akari feels oddly nostalgic as he remembers Hirato and Tsukitachi going out on missions together when they were younger. How much time passed ever since? 10 years? 12? 

He nods slowly. “I understand. Will you need my assistance?”

“Hopefully not,” Hirato says, adjusting his glasses, poster smile on his lips once more. This time it is back to his old form yet Akari can’t help but think it is a charade he is playing. A deep bow from both of them, Tsukitachi fixing his tie and hat as he exits the room before Hirato does. For a second, he stops in his tracks and turns around. 

“You should rest nonetheless, even if we are not here. Remember you are important, Akari-san. We will be careful so we won’t trouble you any further,” he says, another bow following as he leaves the room.

Like that, his office goes quiet, footsteps outside shuffling away from it until they go silent as well. Akari hears his own breath and the tapping of his pen on the paper without ever writing. He still hasn’t read over the file, still staring at uneven swirls of black and grey. Something about Hirato’s last words reminded him of an occurence years back, of a piece of paper, a letter maybe he has forgotten. 

It’s an hour, two papercuts on his index finger and a photo album with rather embarrassing photos he never knew he owned later that his drawer is empty and he holds a sheet of paper in hands he had almost forgotten about. He doesn’t care about the books and papers flying around, scattered on the ground when he sits down on the armchair, unfolding the piece of paper and staring at small, neat letters written in black ink. 

_Akari-san._

_Have you slept today? Have you eaten today? Have you solved a crossword puzzle today? Have you had a tea? Have you enjoyed yourself for at least 10 minutes today?  
If necessary, I will remind you of this. Please don’t overdo it. Remember you are important, too. _

_H._

It is such a trivial thing. He has kept this letter - note, really because it is not as lengthy - unlike all the other actual 2-page letters declaring love or affection to him. Because this, as the only thing, has ever made him genuinely feel good. Genuinely reminded him of how to calm down when stressed; or should have. He has forgotten all about it, about the letter and the words. 

When was the last time he slept properly? The last time he ate his favourite food? When did he have the time to sit down and solve a crossword puzzle? At least he does drink a tea, every once in a while. He prefers it over coffee any day but it doesn’t keep him awake enough. 

He said he would remind him, Hirato did. But as Akari reads the words over and over again, he wonders if Hirato still keeps his own words in mind. He will remind him of them the next time. Sit him down to enjoy a tea with him and perhaps, if he doesn’t lock it back in his drawer again, look at old photos of them when they were younger. Make him solve a crosswords with him and smirk about him getting stuck. Rest and breathe with him, if only for a second. And remind him of his own words, remind him how important he is if he doesn’t do it himself.


End file.
